What We Do

What is my role here at 307? I've been asked that. I've also asked myself that question.

I'd like to think I'm the founder, owner, operator, CEO, CFO, and Grand Poobah of this operation but a bit of observation has shown that I'm not. Some time ago, after trying another company's offerings, I got the idea in my head to make my own beard balm and conditioning oil. I researched it, priced it out, made some plans, and was then distracted by something shiny.

When we actually went into business I figured I'd wear all the hats: marketing, manufacturing, web development, shipping and logistics, etc.. My wife, an awesome woman and an oftentimes formidable and cunning individual, quickly took up the yoke of crafting the stuff. She also stepped to the plate and sourced out suppliers, designed our labeling, business cards, and website. She set up our LLC, even though I'm the one with a legal background. She's a social media wizard, too.

Very quickly I found that my role was “smell tester” and I get to add a lot of input on the development of new products, the refinement of existing lines, and the overall direction of the company.

Basically, I'm like Captain Kirk, boldly commanding Starship 307 on its mission into the inky unknown! Just like the good Captain I'm really just sitting in my neato chair in front of the big screen trying to hear what's going on over the sound of my awesomeness. Meanwhile, Scotty is darting to and fro keeping the thing together. Sulu steers us safely past comets and meteors. Uhura keeps us in contact while Spock analyzes the data. To be blunt, Leah does all the important stuff that gets things done. She's the crew that brings the ship to life. I'm just the strategist and spokesman. It's a pretty cushy gig thanks to all the hard work of my crew. I meet new people and represent the company, and once in a while I get to fight an alien. Well, that's a story for another time.

So, as Captain of this vessel, I would like to thank and commend the crew for a job well done. Thanks, Leah. You're awesome.

 

 

Posted on July 9, 2015 .

Relax. There's No Poo In Beards.

As many of you may be aware, a few months ago people went ape over a report that beards are supposedly home to more nasty microbes and stray feces than a Taco Bell restroom. The story made the usual Internet rounds and found its way into respected birdcage liners such as the New York Times. I'd embed a link to the story but that would require effort on my part. If I had to list my top five defining characteristics “laziness” would be three of them because coming up with five adjectives is a pain. Plus, the story is total hokum.

As it turns out, the whole thing started with a reporter at KOAT in Albuquerque, whom I'll call Sparky, who exemplifies modern journalism. By that I mean that he couldn't find a story so he decided to invent one. So, Sparky goes to his lab tech buddy with an idea. The two grabbed a couple of guys, swabbed their beards, found a handful of bacteria, and proceeded to blow everything grotesquely out of proportion. Maybe Sparky was mad because some dude with a beard ran off with his girlfriend. I don't really know.

What I do know is that common sense and common knowledge combined in the correct proportions make an effective antidote to the brain poison people like to pass as news these days. “Beards are full of poo!” So, they found some E. coli and other gut bacteria in some guys beard? Where could that have come from? Perhaps this bearded gent handled money, the door of any number of public establishments, or any of the other few dozen things we touch on a daily basis that have a nice, rich slime coat of bacteria and matters foreign. Maybe, just maybe, he also happened to touch his beard at some point in the day as well. As George Takei would say, “Oh, my.” On the other hand, they might have found a few really filthy guys, too. They're out there.

The fact is, what they found isn't abnormal. We're covered in the stuff anyhow. Shower ten times a day and all you'll have is a higher water bill. Plus, gut bacteria isn't the same thing as fecal matter. Sparky could have spent two minutes on Google and found that their methodology was flawed and that their results were meaningless. The only feces involved were of the "bull" variety and Sparky should be ashamed of himself, as should every news agency that ran with this without checking the facts first. Of course, they don't do that for real news stories either, so I might be asking too much.

This is just a shining example of crackpot journalism combining with hyperbolic statements to create something from nothing. Mountains, molehills, blah blah blah.

The point is, beards aren't any dirtier than any other part of our filthy bodies. If they were us bearded guys would drop dead from some infection instead of dying at 103 after being shot by a jealous husband.

Oh, and I meant no offense to the good people at Taco Bell. I've always found clean restrooms there, and the Doritos Locos taco is awesome. Please do not sick your lawyers on us.

Posted on July 9, 2015 .

I am Tellin' Ya'll

So mid-afternoon when I was right in the middle of making a batch of beard balm, I see that I was tagged in a post on Facebook. What was it? It was a Huffington Post article on beard oil. It was short and sweet and to the point. My point-I am tellin' ya'll you need to try out beard products, it will make a difference....in your manhood and maybe your attractiveness to the ladies! 

Here is the article. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/07/beard-oil-facial-hair_n_5629592.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

 

Posted on July 8, 2015 .

Why We Started 307

I've been asked why we came up with this product line, and why I grew a beard, on several occasions. These are both logical questions and worthy of taking some time to answer. The questions about why I dig pickled herring and Betty White are also worth a reply but She Who Must Be Obeyed (henceforth referred to as SHMBO) told me to stick to topics germane to our business.

Firstly, the reason for growing the beard is simple: I can. It wasn't a fashion statement. I've been called obnoxious, unprepossessing, and a lot of other things that are hard to spell. I've never been called fashionable. For most of my adult life I was subject to uniform regulations and grooming standards. Then, one snowy and blustery day, I found myself in front of a mirror with a razor in hand and realized I wasn't going anywhere that day and wasn't going anywhere in the foreseeable future where having a clean shave would matter. The razor sat on its lonely shelf in the medicine cabinet for months and slowly corroded its way to utter uselessness.

The product line is a bit more involved. I tried dozens of things to keep my beard in line. Few worked and fewer worked well. I honestly didn't know how to take care of it or how to groom it. In my mind nothing needed to be done. Men have grown beards since there have been men, right? It's a garden, let it grow. It proved to not be so simple.

First, my beard is curly. Most guys' beards are kinda curly but mine turns into a rats nest if left alone for a day. Running a comb or brush through it resulted a string of curse words and blood-curdling sounds that made the chest waxing scene in The 40-Year Old Virgin sound like the soundtrack to Mary Poppins. Something had to be done and shaving it off was out of the question. I tried everything from conditioners to my daughter's spray-in detangler. If it helped me with the act of grooming it failed to help manage it. Then I discovered oils and balms. After trying many brands of both I found some that worked and some that weren't worth the effort. A few might have performed well but they smelled odd. There is one very popular brand—who I will not name until we send them into bankruptcy after taking all their business—that was greasy, sticky, and smelled like Froot Loops. Don't get me wrong, that's my absolute favorite cereal of all time, but I don't want to smell like the stuff. I knew I could do better. Okay, my wife and I could do better. W could make the stuff work. We could make it condition a beard, make it manageable, but the scent was going to be largely her domain. My sense of smell isn't that great and if left to my own devices the scents would be Welding Shop, Sawmill, Smoked Brisket, and Bacon Bloody Mary (a highly recommended drink). Her good taste has made our stuff palatable and likable as well as functional.

So, long story short, we started this company because we knew we could do it better. We knew that more ingredients didn't mean a better product. You shouldn't need the help of a chemist to know what the heck is in the can. We decided to make it potent so it doesn't take half the can to whip your beard into shape and not charge you the netball prices some of our competition tags to their stuff. I found a 2oz can of balm that was $75. What's in there? Unicorn tears?

So, basically, we decided to not compromise. There's a lot more to say, but I'll save that for late

Posted on July 6, 2015 .

We are LIVE!

Hey all we are happy to announce as of July 1st, 2015 we are LIVE. You can now order products on our shop page! All links and such should be working (if not please contact us). We are still adding a bit of information to our site. You will still see it change and grow over the new few weeks, but we are so excited to announce once again, we are LIVE!

Posted on July 1, 2015 .

And We're Off....

If you are reading this, it is because you are someone you know cares about the hair on your face....and so do we! 

We just started up our beard care business and we are so excited to see where this venture brings us and what satisfaction we can bring to you as a customer. 

Look for more information, blogs, pictures, and products in the near future. We are off to an amazing start!

Posted on June 22, 2015 .